I take a walk at dawn, when the dew falls

Bless me father for I have sinned, I don’t know how long it’s been since my last confession

And if I’m being honest, I don’t seek confession – this isn’t a confession.

Forgive me for uttering those opening words. I’m sorry, I don’t seek confession.

Bless me father for I will sin and I don’t know if I’ll ever confess it.

I take a walk at dawn, when the dew falls

Bless me father for I have sinned… these are the words I mutter 

The world is my confessional, the wind is a listening priest

And the dew, the dew is absolution – of sins committed and to be committed. 

It is absolution that I seek. (As the priest makes the sign of the cross); forgive me father for these my sins: which I have not confessed, both those I’ve remembered and those I’ve failed to remember; (I absolve you in the name of the father and of the son…) 

I take a walk at dawn, when the dew falls

To purify my heart of the night – to be absolved of the darkness that seeps into me because I cannot close my eyes to it.

It is absolution that I seek.

I take a walk at dusk, when the world is empty

I measure my despair with the fading of the world’s silhouette that hovers over me

It looks good on me – this fear.

I take a walk at dusk, when the world is empty

Because it is only at times like this that there is enough space in the world to accommodate me.

I have a condition – it causes me to gasp for air when I’m hemmed in by your kind

Maybe it’s claustrophobia. I think I’m antisocial – I’m selfish.

I take a walk at dusk, when the world is empty

To reclaim the warmth of the darkness that the dew has absolved from my heart

To restart a cycle that would end if only I could find enough space in the world for you and me

But when I try, you ask about the black half-moons beneath my eyes and I gasp for air

It looks good on me – this fear.

I think its claustrophobia. Maybe I’m antisocial… or am I just, selfish?

I take a walk at dawn, when the dew falls 

I take a walk at dusk, when the world is empty

And in-between, I lie awake on the floor of my room and dream I’m asleep

In a world where peace has found me and I no longer seek absolution

Because when the darkness comes, I can close my eyes to it – can close my heart to it.

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